T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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