Porn is love you can see.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
