Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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