I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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