he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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