Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
