I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
