: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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