It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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