I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
