Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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