I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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