I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
