i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
