I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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