Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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