i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she peed on how many people?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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