i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to calm my uterus...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize