her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
