I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
