Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
