Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
