I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's get the cat blown out
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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