I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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