You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize