do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
