Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
