I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
