you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
