I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
