I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
