It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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