I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
