she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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