Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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