I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
