he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
