maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
