I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
