Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
