just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
