I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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