He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
