Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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