So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
