I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
