Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize