I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
