she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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