Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
