I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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