My balls are so social today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
