I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think people are normalizing furries
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
