I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
