dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
