So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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