Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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