I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If I die, sorry about rent.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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