I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
