There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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