Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
