I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
