8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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