Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
