Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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