I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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