After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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