i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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