I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
