Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
