her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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